So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
