I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
