i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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