Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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