THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
