I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
