swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
