Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
