She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
