Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
