Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
