don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
