I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
