So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
