if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if only i could text you this smell
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
