the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
