he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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