I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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