I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
