There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
