Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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