We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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