I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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