I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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