I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
