oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
