Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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