is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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