oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
