You work out of a Hotel?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
