You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
