Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
