I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
