I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
