do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
