just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
