our cab driver is having phone sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
