I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
