mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
