Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
