I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
