i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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