Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
