i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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