I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
