My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
