I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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