Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
