I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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