My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
