We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
