she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
